Monkey

Coping Monkey

That's right! It's finally here...

The Emotional Coping Monkey

For years the emotionally co-dependent and Socially inept have looked on with envy as the seeing eye dogs led blind people through life. Longing for that kind of companionship and leadership themselves, often, they would foolishly point out to the rest of their friends "look a seeing eye dog", after everyone else had already quietly noticed.

But a dog just can't lead you through life sniffing other people's butts and chowing down on it's own vomit!

That's why we invented The Emotional Coping Monkey. Each monkey is hand trained using incredibly painful, but effective, electrical current. This ancient training process makes this monkey hate people and do whatever it can to keep from forming relationships, except of course with the person who feeds it and shocks it.

How it works

Tired of phone call after phone call to that guy who told you never to call him again? Sick to death of sitting outside that girls workplace just "To talk...for one second...please...come on...don't use the pepper spray...please...I just wanna talk...Oh! you stupid bitch...I'm gonna kill all of your cats for this...", well you know how it goes.

The Emotional Coping Monkey can take you by the hand, and bite it, really hard, whenever you:

	Start to believe him that he'll stop drinking and shooting you up with crystal meth so you can clean the house faster
	Agree to take her back after she finished having sex with all of your friends, in your bed, last night
	Try to call her to get your "Arlo Guthrie Live in L.A." cassette back, even though it's sitting on the floorboard of your car, which is still in your garage
	Decide that just because your "just friends" it doesn't mean you have to stop sleeping together

Your monkey can also help you out in difficult social situations:

	When he shows up at your place telling you that "I've changed, forever, this time", the monkey can do what you should do, pee on his shoes and fling feces at him
	If you bump into an old friend who asks you "So, how's <insert your ex's name here> these days", the monkey can claw at your friends eyes, keeping you from answering any complicated questions