45% cooler than josepharmour.com

(I'm going to be flogged for this one, so in advance, here is my warning:  If you are female and easily offended, please do not read this.  It will only make you angry, and honestly, speaking as a man, we don't want you to be angry.  The last thing I need is another woman who takes me seriously.)  A woman inspired me to write this.

Single women should not vote.  Why you ask, with gritted teeth and seething anger?  Let me begin the answer with a question:  how well have you done so far in picking the men in your life?  Like 100% of those relationships haven't lasted so far.  What makes you think that you'll do so much better when picking the leader of the free world? (note: much of the free world does not view him as their leader so much as an older brother who can give the non-free world really bad wedgies)

Let's review.  How did you do when you picked that whiny guy you couldn't get rid of?  "I'll change! I swear!  I'm a different man."  Night after night screening your calls and worrying about finding grocery store bouquets on your car after work.  If his patheticity was not enough, you allowed at least one conciliatory lunch where he swung from disinterested cool guy to village idiot trying to convince you of his sanity.  Didn't you just get sick of that?

How about the jerk that couldn't get over his last girlfriend?  How many times did you have to listen to those stupid stories and get compared to her?  In rather casual moments, he'd call you by her name, accidentally.  It was so comforting to get the presents she'd returned to him.

Let's not forget anger management boy.  You couldn't do things well enough for this guy.  His standards were set on the moon.  He treated you like crap and you tried to keep up with his mood swings.  In the end, when he finally just got sick of you, you didn't want it to end.  Agreed, you got furious at yourself for ever dating the guy, but sometimes, you still try to remember his "good points".

Of course you always have the Snow White boyfriend.  You know, the one who was a combination of at least two of the seven dwarves.  The Bashful/Grumpy guy or the Sleepy/Dopey guy or the rare Sneezy/Happy who was allergic to everything.  You knew if you threw a cat at him he would die right there in a poof of snot and lotion coated fragrance free, super absorbent tissue. But he was genuinely friendly through the wheezing and the mucus and if he took his pills with wine at dinner you knew that you'd have to put him on the couch for the evening.