Intimacy

It's not like there are not enough reasons to avoid getting close to people that exist outside of your imagination, so my instance, providing another one, should have no effect on your life.

The term in Hebrew for intimacy (because obviously people who lived thousands of years ago understand us better than we do so we should use their terms) means to stand "face to face". You know, to stand so close to them that you know whether or not they floss, or pick their scabs, or blow dry, flaky boogers when they sneeze, kind of what it is like to ride on public transportation around the holidays.

You see, once we share this level of intimacy with a person, we, males especially, become hyper-vulnerable. When a person truly knows you you stand diminished from the uber-self that you portray. The really tough act that you put on is placed somewhat at odds with your affinity for, say, the Care Bears Movie (was it just me or was Love-a-lot Bear just totally pandering to Brave Heart Lion by letting Share Bear stay with the "Care Cousins"?). When you express your deep seeded views on Hegelian dimensions of fear, your girl can laugh at you knowing full well that you scream like 12 year old female Ricky Martin fan when you see a roach.

What I find so funny, is that I can speak in complete objectivity regarding the social dynamic of men's urinal with dividing walls vs. with the grand splatter shields, prior to a relationship but not after. Prior, I find the girl cooing at any 4 syllable word that I use (agreed, I live in California, so some of these girls get all giggly at the term "Lexus"). After, however, when this woman knows what I truly think and feel surrounding life, it seems like all she sees is a hypocrite or, worse, a coward. You know, someone who has these grand ideas, yet fails to do anything about them.

Getting close to somebody and sharing your life with them as well as your ideology is akin to corpse sitting before a coroner. The dead body (in this case an active participant in the conversation, so suspend all necessary disbelief in advance) might claim to consumed nothing but non-fat protein bars, but the butter and grease clogged aorta tells a different story. It's much the same I fear at the end of a relationship. This person has heard what you believe and seen how you act. Your philosophy, beliefs, doubts, fears and knowledge have been laid bare before them.

You probably feel like I should be bursting into Simon and Garfunkel's "I am a Rock" at this point. Isolation is fine dysfunction for intimacy any day, so I don't remotely discourage it (it keeps the therapists off the talk shows and busy in their offices). Seriously, a life lived without true connection with any human being has to be easier than the constant buffoonery suffered by finding out what other people are really like and, heaven forbid, allowing others to see what you are like inside. So I say, find a good act, and run with it. No one really believes anyone is as wacked out as you are when you are being yourself, so you might as well be someone you want to be. Oh, and never let anyone truly into that dark little closet that you hide your true self. Tell them you are letting them in but find another more comfortable "inner child" to parade in front of your parlor guests (Single parent adoption is legal in this state, incidentally). At least you won't ever have to deal with someone laughing at the really you.