Bullet Pointed Lists

Scaring the lizards in my backyard with burning things

Finding excuses to avoid conversations regarding nature with ANYONE in California

Obscure references in daily speech to even more obscure cartoons and Sci-Fi films (either theatrical release or made for TV, I'm not bourgeois)

Starting conversations with people when they are the most uncomfortable (bathrooms, funerals, etc.)

Eating things that are far too big for my mouth or have tentacles

Pointing out weird sounds that my friends' cars make, then trying to duplicate that sound when we are dinner somewhere nice

Leaving opened pregnancy test boxes in the office trash cans of Catholic clergy

Responding to solicitors at the airport in nonsense German phrases

Blaming really bad flatulence on being molested as a child, then farting and sobbing uncontrollably

Finding phrases that I can add the word "haute" to

Giving easily excited children really loud toys as gifts